


it's okay to not hold hands

by minatoarisatoast



Series: If I Submit, You Win [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Autistic-Coded Character, Character Study, Gen, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Gender-Neutral Pronouns, No Spoilers, Other, all the tags I want do not exist apparently, sound sensitivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:20:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25003018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minatoarisatoast/pseuds/minatoarisatoast
Summary: Their voice is all but a whisper. "I think I understand why you like Ruri-chan so much."Eye contact is hard, so he stares at the back of the couch. "You— You do?""Maybe.""...""It's because she's an outsider, isn't she?"
Relationships: Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Character(s), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader
Series: If I Submit, You Win [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026045
Comments: 20
Kudos: 164





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "(_)" is used in place of MC's name here. I think there's tools out there that can replace it with whatever name you'd like, in which case, go ham.

> > _yawn_
> 
> > _is he fr? lmao_
> 
> > _none of us even watch ruri you goddamn weeb_
> 
> > _^^^^^_
> 
> > _@ headmod, can we do something about this fucking guy_

…

Levi's hands are clammy as he types, deletes, and retypes. Deletes, retypes again. There's a pit in his stomach and he feels like he's about to cry.

> L3VI > _Shut up._

He fumbles to find the button, the "leave server" button that'll let him out, but the app freezes long enough to see that they're _typing_ and then he's out and there's a lump in his throat and something unpleasant's brewing in his stomach and _oh god, this is why he doesn't have any friends, isn't it?_

He never understood these things, but all it took was a few paragraphs on the latest episode before it all went to shit. They couldn't understand. They would never understand, they'd never give the show a chance, they'd never give _him_ a chance and—

No, that's not quite it. Is it. Is it? It doesn't work that way, does it?

Not that he'd know.

He reaches for his Azuki-tan stress ball and stares at the logo on the back. He stares at it for a good few seconds and throws it across the room. It hits the side of his bed, skips once, and rolls to a stop. Great, now he feels guilty.

Normies. They're all normies. Doesn't matter who— online, offline, in the room next to his. They're all normies.

Anyone who makes him feel useless is a normie.

It's how it's always been. Doesn't matter if they play video games or raided a dungeon with him _once_ . Doesn't matter if they watch anime or own every last _Sucre Frenzy_ album because at the end of the day he's still a terrible friend.

It's dead quiet, save for his breathing and the sound of the fishtank's filter. He stares at the stress ball. Ruri-chan would hate seeing her sidekick left abandoned on the floor, even if it's just merch and not the real thing. Wouldn't she?

He lets his eyes fall shut and takes a deep breath. He walks over, retrieves poor Azuki-tan, and gives it a good, comforting squeeze.

…

 _It's_ **_so_ ** _not fair._

* * *

 **"Levi.** What did I say about phones at the dinner table?" Lucifer doesn't shout, but his voice carries a little _too_ well and Levi hunches over his phone on reflex. Lucifer shifts his focus to Beel with a sigh, who'd finished his ninth grilled cheese only to start on Mammon's.

Beel mumbles something unintelligible through a mouthful of food.

Mammon whines.

Satan groans.

Asmo's silverware clinks together (loudly) and Levi's not the only one that cringes away. (_) flinches closer to their plate, shoulders tense as they shovel food into their mouth at record speed before pushing their chair out and standing with a stiff chuckle.

(A couple eyes follow them, of course. (_) always has eyes on them. It's one of the few things Levi isn't jealous of, really.)

"Feeling kinda tired," they murmur. "I think I'll turn in early." (_) glances at Lucifer for permission to go. He nods, they're out, and Levi's attention snaps back to his game.

He hadn't even realized he was _staring._ Gross.

Asmo's knife scrapes against his plate, and that's Levi's cue to go before he snaps at someone he shouldn't. With a glance at Lucifer, Levi mumbles something under his breath, grabs a grilled cheese, and leaves the table too.

He gets a text from (_) on his way out. They want to crash in his room, if that's okay. Something about peace and quiet.

> Leviathan > _OK, but I'll be playing a game, so as long as you're quiet that's cool I guess._
> 
> (_) > _Forced social interaction? At this hour?? You wound me. </3_


	2. Chapter 2

The game isn't good.

...No, okay, that's not quite right. The game  _ is _ pretty good, he just can't enjoy it right now because there's someone in his room and it's hard to get immersed in something when you know someone is there, even if they're on the couch by his TV, several feet out of his view and on their phone with the volume on mute.

Levi saves the game. He removes his headphones and leaves them on the desk in a mess of tangled cords before pushing his chair out and getting up. This isn't working.

(_) lifts their head up, phone held sideways. "I thought you were playing your game."

"I dunno. I'm not in a gaming mood."

Silence as they set their phone aside and scoot over to make room for him. "That's a first." The corners of their mouth turn up. "Honestly? Me neither."

Levi sinks onto the couch beside them. "..."

"..."

"..."

"...Um, what's that?" (_) breaks the uncomfortable silence with a few rushed words. Levi picks his head up to see them pointing at the Azuki-tan stress ball displayed proudly on his shelf.

The words stick in his throat for a moment. "Oh, um. Give me a minute." He walks over to his gaming setup and picks something up from his desk.

He comes back to show them. "The one on the shelf's for display. This is the one I actually use." He opens his hand to show the Azuki-tan from earlier, worn around the edges from plenty of squeezing.

"It's cute."

"Right!? Azuki-tan's Ruri-chan's sidekick." His face lights up. "There's lore reasons for why they're a pastry, of course. In the first season—"

...He gets about a paragraph in before (_) leans their head against the back of the couch with a sigh. "Levi."

"...Huh?"

"Um, sorry for interrupting, but… I have no idea what you're talking about."

Levi's heart sinks into the pit of his stomach.

_ Of course they don't, you disgusting weeb. Slow down and  _ **_shut up_ ** _ for once in your life. _

_ (It's  _ **_so_ ** _ not fair.) _

_ Life is unfair. _

_ (I'm tired of this.) _

_ And everyone's tired of  _ **_you._ **

...

"...Nevermind, then." His voice comes out stiff as he fidgets, staring at his lap. Even the silence is suddenly too loud, and he wants to hide.

"..."

"..."

This was a mistake. Letting them into his room was a mistake. He considers kicking them out. Maybe being alone would— No, he'll just end up crying.

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _

(_)'s voice is quiet when they speak; hesitant, nervous. "...Can't we watch it together instead?"

_...What? _

They continue, words spilling out quickly like a broken faucet. "I… I  _ want _ to know what you're talking about."

The world slows, then stops. Levi picks his head up, almost meeting their eyes before shifting his gaze away, toward the TV, because eye contact feels way too intimate right now and he's not sure his heart can handle it. He's held entire conversations while staring at a table before. It's fine. This is fine.

"...Oh. Okay." He doesn't say anything else, just grabs the remote, switches the TV on, and opens Hexflix. He owns the deluxe edition, of course, but it's a physical collectible and this is easier anyway.

"I hope you like it." The words come out rushed, as he suppresses everything else he wants to say but shouldn't. Like what the first episode's gonna be about. Like details they should keep an eye out for. Like—

Season 1, Episode 1. He hits play.

* * *

Season 1, Episode 6. Levi hits pause on the end credits. "So—"

"I—"

"Sorry. Go on."

Their voice is all but a whisper. "I think I understand why you like Ruri-chan so much."

Eye contact is hard, so he stares at the back of the couch. "You— You do?"

"Maybe."

"..."

"It's because she's an outsider, isn't she?"

"...Yeah. She's—"

"She's, taken seriously in the Devildom. Her demon form's that of a mature, confident woman. When she speaks, everyone listens. And—" Oh sweet Hatsune Miku, (_)'s sniffling and even Levi of all people can tell they're either crying or about to because their cheeks are wet and if he's gonna be honest, he kinda feels like crying himself.

Levi adds on to their words, playing with his hands absentmindedly as his mind wanders far away. "...But when she leaves the Devildom for the human world, she transforms into a smaller, human girl. And because of her appearance, no one takes her seriously."

"They all— They all treat her like a kid! Like she's no one important, no one worth listening to, no one that has anything of worth to, to  _ say _ or talk about or anything at all." (_)'s voice quavers.

"She has to work several times as hard to accomplish what she set out to do." Levi hugs his legs to his chest. "Because of something she can't control, because of something that  _ isn't even her fault." _

"..."

"..."

"...Yeah. I… I think I can understand that."

"Me too. Even— Even if I'll never be as cool as Ruri-chan, or Henry. Like how in Season 2, Episode 8 she—"

"Shhh."

"Hey—"

_ "No spoilers," _ (_) murmurs.

They reach for the remote at the same time, fingers bumping together. Levi yelps.

"Gah! Sorry!"

"It's okay."

(_) unpauses Ruri-chan, letting the end credits scroll to completion. "Mind if I stay here tonight?"

"As— As long as you're quiet. Don't let anyone see you, either. I don't want them to misunderstand, or  _ assume _ that I'm someone gross like Asmo, or—!"

"I'll borrow the couch. You'll hardly know I'm there, and I just need a quiet place to sleep." A chuckle. "Mind if I hold your hand for a bit? It's okay to, not hold hands. I just kinda want to, and figured it couldn't hurt to ask."

"Um, oh— okay. I mean, it's not like I mind. I don't think Asmo's held a hand in his life, even if it  _ is _ kind of a normie thing—"

"I mean—"

"Three more episodes of Ruri-chan, and I'll let you hold my hand."

"Deal."

Episode 7's opening starts to play. (_) scoots a little closer.

Levi lets them.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic because I'm a) on the autism spectrum myself, b) a total sap, and c) tired of bad fandom takes.


End file.
